Monday, January 02, 2006

Movie Review: Shallow Ground (2/5 stars)

I had a date over for dinner last night, and after enjoying the amazing pasta dish I prepared, she suggested that we watch a scary movie. Her only requisite was that it didn't involve zombies. I don't know what she had against brains-eating walking carcasses, but it was unfortunate since one of my favorite scary movies is the remake of Dawn Of The Dead. If you've seen the original (and laughed at how lame it is by today's standards), you'll be very surprised at how realistic the 2004 version is. However, this review is about a completely different movie... Shallow Ground.

Let's start with the Netflix description...

Beset with guilt for failing to prevent a serial killer's latest homicide, small-town sheriff Jack Sheppard (Timothy V. Murphy) may get a chance at redemption when a nude, blood-drenched teen (Rocky Marquette) turns up at the station clutching a big knife. As Jack attempts to find the boy's identity and potential victims, the lawman unwittingly sets himself on a collision course with unimaginable horror in director Sheldon Wilson's stylish indie.


Ok, did that give you a good idea of what it's about? Me neither. And yet, that's almost exactly what it is. A nude, blood-drenched teen with a big knife and supernatural powers, who walks into a backwoods police department trailer. It quickly segues into flashbacks of various people being abducted, mutilated, murdered. The identity of the nude, blood-drenched teen (who remains nude and blood-drenched throughout the movie) is the big question, as the police immediately assume he is responsible for various murders and missing persons in the area over the past year.

Oddly enough, the police witness the nude, blood-drenched teen's supernatural powers, yet they dismiss it as 'games'. The same way the director dismisses the very existence of the nude, blood-drenched teen by the end of the movie. If you're looking for answers, this movie is not going to help.

That's about all I can say about the movie without giving away some key elements (not that it would probably matter). Suffice it to say the acting is tolerable, but never good. The plot is so ill-conceived and difficult to grasp that you don't understand what is going on until the last half hour. And by then you don't believe it anyway. The killer turns out to be the least likely character, of course, with motives that are dwelled on for a total of 3 minutes throughout the movie.

The one thing this movie has going for it is the 'shriek factor.' My date nearly lost her voice screaming at the endless supply of nonsensical violence and nude, blood-drenched teens weilding bowie knives. And I have to admit it had some great music to let you know when Something Bad was about to happen. Even if you couldn't understand how it fit in to the story. There is also a scene reminiscent of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, with reasonably good make-up effects. Unfortunately, like the rest of the movie, it doesn't work together to build up suspense. It's merely a series of bizarre events that keep you guessing what will happen next, if you care.

If you like your movies full of motiveless killing and poorly-explained supernatural entities, you're in luck. But as for me, I'll be digging out my copy of Dawn Of The Dead next time... zombies be damned.

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