How to get disqualified without even trying
Zip your top up properly, leave the wig and false mustache in your chalet and, whatever you do, do not sip the wrong kind of cola.
Doping aside, there are plenty of weird and wonderful ways to get yourself disqualified from the Winter Olympics and at times the rules and regulations governing each sport read like a pedants' manifesto.
In ski jumping, for example, a competitor who fails to zip his suit up to the very top risks more than catching a cold.
Presumably to prevent somebody wearing a Michelin Man-style inflatable outfit for extra air buoyancy, the rules state that competitors' suits must cling closely to the body.
The "anterior crotch length" is especially tightly policed with a modest four centimetres the maximum leeway allowed.
Thursday, during the Nordic combined event, the Finnish team protested that one of the German jumpers, Bjoern Kircheisen, had breached the rules governing the air permeability of his suit because it was slightly unzipped at the neck. The appeal was unanimously rejected by the jury.
In the same event, one of the rules stipulates that a competitor will be penalized if he takes his skis to any official ceremonies. Furthermore, as Japan's Masahiko Harada found out in Normal Hill qualifying, a jumper is disqualified if his skis are longer than his height, multiplied by 1.46.
In the exhausting sport of cross-country skiing, a competitor is disqualified if, in a fit of masochism, he skies more than one leg of the course in a relay or, even more mysteriously, if he takes part in the competition "under false pretences."
The latter charge could arguably have been applied to Costa Rican Arturo Kinch. The mustachioed 49-year-old brought an air of slapstick to Friday's 10-km classical race when he stumbled and almost fell in the first few strides en route to 96th place.
The false pretences rule also covers Alpine skiing where, as in ski jumping, having the wrong-sized skis is another cause for disqualification. That was the fate suffered by Briton Chemmy Alcott in the women's combined event Friday. Her skis were found to be a miniscule 0.2mm too narrow.
A freestyle skier can be disqualified for doing a trick they are not qualified to try or for attempting a trick which is more difficult than those they performed in training. Rule-makers have so far resisted the urge to dock them points for appalling choice of music to accompany their run.
Sponsorship enforcement is also a deadly serious matter at all Olympic venues. Woe betide a competitor or spectator who sports or consumes a product that is not made by one of the companies on the list of official sponsors.
In the spectator's case they will have the offending bottle of cola removed from their possession while the athlete cannot display any form of advertising at venues, where even the official sponsors' products are kept hidden. Offending logos get covered up with duct tape.
The wrong kind of spoken word can also be costly.
At the biathlon Tuesday, American Jay Hakkinen risked being disqualified following claims that he used inappropriate language after missing all five shots at the target in the 10-km sprint.
Asked if Hakkinen had sworn audibly, U.S. coach James Upham ducked. "I don't know. I didn't ask and he didn't say anything."
Doping aside, there are plenty of weird and wonderful ways to get yourself disqualified from the Winter Olympics and at times the rules and regulations governing each sport read like a pedants' manifesto.
In ski jumping, for example, a competitor who fails to zip his suit up to the very top risks more than catching a cold.
Presumably to prevent somebody wearing a Michelin Man-style inflatable outfit for extra air buoyancy, the rules state that competitors' suits must cling closely to the body.
The "anterior crotch length" is especially tightly policed with a modest four centimetres the maximum leeway allowed.
Thursday, during the Nordic combined event, the Finnish team protested that one of the German jumpers, Bjoern Kircheisen, had breached the rules governing the air permeability of his suit because it was slightly unzipped at the neck. The appeal was unanimously rejected by the jury.
In the same event, one of the rules stipulates that a competitor will be penalized if he takes his skis to any official ceremonies. Furthermore, as Japan's Masahiko Harada found out in Normal Hill qualifying, a jumper is disqualified if his skis are longer than his height, multiplied by 1.46.
In the exhausting sport of cross-country skiing, a competitor is disqualified if, in a fit of masochism, he skies more than one leg of the course in a relay or, even more mysteriously, if he takes part in the competition "under false pretences."
The latter charge could arguably have been applied to Costa Rican Arturo Kinch. The mustachioed 49-year-old brought an air of slapstick to Friday's 10-km classical race when he stumbled and almost fell in the first few strides en route to 96th place.
The false pretences rule also covers Alpine skiing where, as in ski jumping, having the wrong-sized skis is another cause for disqualification. That was the fate suffered by Briton Chemmy Alcott in the women's combined event Friday. Her skis were found to be a miniscule 0.2mm too narrow.
A freestyle skier can be disqualified for doing a trick they are not qualified to try or for attempting a trick which is more difficult than those they performed in training. Rule-makers have so far resisted the urge to dock them points for appalling choice of music to accompany their run.
Sponsorship enforcement is also a deadly serious matter at all Olympic venues. Woe betide a competitor or spectator who sports or consumes a product that is not made by one of the companies on the list of official sponsors.
In the spectator's case they will have the offending bottle of cola removed from their possession while the athlete cannot display any form of advertising at venues, where even the official sponsors' products are kept hidden. Offending logos get covered up with duct tape.
The wrong kind of spoken word can also be costly.
At the biathlon Tuesday, American Jay Hakkinen risked being disqualified following claims that he used inappropriate language after missing all five shots at the target in the 10-km sprint.
Asked if Hakkinen had sworn audibly, U.S. coach James Upham ducked. "I don't know. I didn't ask and he didn't say anything."
posted by JoeFriday at 3:05 PM
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