Movie Review: The Constant Gardener (1/5 stars)
Normally I would start a movie review with a link to the movie through Netflix or the Internet Movie Database in order to give you quick access to the movie in the event you choose to rent it. I'll skip the link this time. And strongly suggest you skip the movie entirely.
I just spent two hours watching The Constant Gardener, and at the end had two questions... what does it have to do with gardening, and why should I care?
In a nutshell, the movie is a 2 hour long UNICEF commercial. I fully expected to see Sally Struthers in a cameo at some point. In fact, it was so bad that I WANTED to see her.
The premise can be boiled down to this: pharmaceutical companies are evil; and the United Nations could solve all the problems in the world if it weren't for the huge coverup by for-profit organizations.
Very early in the movie, a British diplomat, played by Ralph Fiennes, is berated by an alleged humanitarian, played by Rachel Weisz. She accuses him of various underhanded tactics employed for the sake of their government. Literally 90 seconds later in the movie, she is proposing to him. Wow, talk about character development.
The next hour is spent watching her manipulate people and set up clandestine trysts. But this is clearly different than the scheming she previously accused her husband of, because it's for a 'good cause'. It's unimportant that she hurts everyone who cares about her, as long as she tries to save a few people she barely knows in a third world country.
Another hour of the movie is spent watching the bumbling husband/diplomat uncover her lies and confront the people she manipulated. Never does he turn his emotions against her. Apparently because he has also decided that her cause was worth destroying his career and their life together.
The ending of the movie is touted as an amazing climax. Admittedly, it was exciting. If only because I realized that there actually WAS an end to the movie. Not that I cared what the ending was, but that it would soon be over.
For a movie starring so many accomplished actors, this was one that accomplished nothing in its own right.
If I had seen it in a theater, I would have demanded my money back. Unfortunately, I can't demand the two hours of my life back that could have been spent in a much more enriching way. Such as playing Jarts online.
I just spent two hours watching The Constant Gardener, and at the end had two questions... what does it have to do with gardening, and why should I care?
In a nutshell, the movie is a 2 hour long UNICEF commercial. I fully expected to see Sally Struthers in a cameo at some point. In fact, it was so bad that I WANTED to see her.
The premise can be boiled down to this: pharmaceutical companies are evil; and the United Nations could solve all the problems in the world if it weren't for the huge coverup by for-profit organizations.
Very early in the movie, a British diplomat, played by Ralph Fiennes, is berated by an alleged humanitarian, played by Rachel Weisz. She accuses him of various underhanded tactics employed for the sake of their government. Literally 90 seconds later in the movie, she is proposing to him. Wow, talk about character development.
The next hour is spent watching her manipulate people and set up clandestine trysts. But this is clearly different than the scheming she previously accused her husband of, because it's for a 'good cause'. It's unimportant that she hurts everyone who cares about her, as long as she tries to save a few people she barely knows in a third world country.
Another hour of the movie is spent watching the bumbling husband/diplomat uncover her lies and confront the people she manipulated. Never does he turn his emotions against her. Apparently because he has also decided that her cause was worth destroying his career and their life together.
The ending of the movie is touted as an amazing climax. Admittedly, it was exciting. If only because I realized that there actually WAS an end to the movie. Not that I cared what the ending was, but that it would soon be over.
For a movie starring so many accomplished actors, this was one that accomplished nothing in its own right.
If I had seen it in a theater, I would have demanded my money back. Unfortunately, I can't demand the two hours of my life back that could have been spent in a much more enriching way. Such as playing Jarts online.
posted by JoeFriday at 12:57 AM
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