Extra Major Headline News!

The world as we know it changed forever this weekend as several self-important figureheads did something of absolutely no significance to the rest of us.

Paris Hilton made headlines by doing absolutely nothing. Which is what she has done her entire life. The media swarmed en masse to document the latest nothingness, and proclaimed her the most important void of intelligence in the 21st century.

In other news, nearly-talented rap artist, Eminem, proved he should be ignored by marrying his ex-wife, affectionately referred to as 'Bitch'.